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The Little Brown Brick House

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Photo by   Nathan Fertig   on   Unsplash I was twelve years old when I left my childhood home for the first time. I was starting an adventure at a new boarding school, in the mountains of North Carolina. My "home" would be amongst friends and faculty there for the next three years. While I missed my childhood home, I knew that one day, I'd return to it.  I left home, once more, when I was fifteen. This time, to a boarding school tucked away into a mountainside in Pennsylvania. Again, I missed my childhood home, but I knew it was a place I'd always return to. When the holidays came, I went home. When summertime came, I went home. That little house in the center of the cul de sac was a staple in my life. No matter how cluttered it got, or how unkempt the yard was going to be, that little place is where I grew up.  The brown brick home, surrounded by tall trees, and a rolling green grass yard, was the place where I took my first steps, said my first words, and made my fi

From a Negative to a Positive

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Photo by   Katrina Wright   on   Unsplash Grief can mean something different for each person. What one person may grieve about, another person may not.  As noted by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (Kübler-Ross E & Kessler D, 2014) the five stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. This does not mean that the grieving must go in this order. Just like how everyone grieves about different things, the grief process can look different for one person versus another.  So, why am I talking to you about grief? Since I started my undergrad program, I knew that I wanted to help people. At first, I thought I wanted to become an elementary school teacher, but my path went in a different way when I decided that teaching was not for me. Little did I know, at the time, that I was in a grieving process of my own from having to extend time at school.  After changing majors, I continued on in the field of Human Development and Family Studies. I did not know what I wanted to do

Grief

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Photo by Daniel Giannone on Unsplash According to Wikipedia, The Kübler-Ross model , or the Five Stages of Grief™ , postulates a series of emotions experienced by terminally ill patients prior to death or people who have lost a loved one, wherein the five stages are: denial , anger , bargaining, depression , and acceptance . This model addresses grieving before and after death, but I believe the stages are relevant in any type of loss, including death, job loss, and relationships, both intimate and platonic. While the stages might be the same for each, the process of grieving is different according to the type of loss, and no two experiences will be the same. I’ve experienced a variety of losses in my life that have all caused some form of grief. I’ve navigated grief after the death of friends and family members, some expected and others not expected. We expect grandparents to die because they’re often older and it makes sense, but they still hurt. I remember playing music at one

Being Broken Inside A Broken System

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Photo by   Jachan DeVol   on   Unsplash GUEST WRITER SPOTLIGHT.  The psychiatric nurse handed me my patient garb, lead me through the laundry policies, and was showing me to the bathroom where I was going to shower. I got into the bathroom where I nervously finicked with the door for a few minutes to make sure it was locked. It made me nervous. The whole room was covered in blue tiles and looked very lived in.  I stripped down and got into the shower, reflecting on how the day started, and how I ended up here, inside the walls of a mental institution.  The day started off as most of my days use too, with the shrilling voices of my chaotic mind, telling me I wasn't worth loving, that the people I loved were going to abandon me, accompanied by the symphony of other confusing, negative, and irrational thoughts. I texted my sponsor telling her I was in a real crisis, and she called me. After a few minutes of me sobbing, she drove over as fast as she could so she could take me to the Em

This is not Ideal.

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Photo by   Steve Leisher   on   Unsplash I have struggled for several days to write this blog.  I have written many drafts and deleted many pages because while it's my turn to speak, it also isn't.  What I will say is that I'm a brown body. I have been harassed by cops when I've been pulled over for a speeding ticket (once), or when a tail-light was out (that I was unaware of) - but even in those instances I never thought I would die. I have been told by various White people what I should and shouldn't wear, what I should and shouldn't say, and how I should and shouldn't behave, as a person of color.  I have been called "dirty" by the elementary school children that I shared a classroom with, been referred to as a "maid," asked to translate a language I don't even speak - based upon my looks - and have been referred to as "less than human" by a phrase I'll never forget: "I didn't know that your kind could affor

Fitting In - Part 2

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                                                                                     Photo by Suhyeon Choi on   Unsplash Clothes shopping has always been difficult for me, especially when it's time to buy pants. I'm short and even the pants that are marked as "short length" are still too long and drag on the ground, becoming frayed and torn with every wear, eventually to become so damaged they're unwearable. When I find a pair I like, it's the only kind I buy as long as it's available. This doesn't allow for much variety or style change but we have to wear pants :) It's hard enough to find something you like in your size and then to also have it fit the way you want. Few people are shaped like the mannequins modeling the clothes so we don't get a real idea of what they'll look like once we put them on. There is a beauty in the clothes buying process though that is hidden - in no other aspect of life can we try something on and toss it asi